Medication Stimulation

Right now, one of my brain tumours is in meltdown mode.

Earlier this year, scans showed the right-side resected tumour has been doubling in size each year. Bastard.

This discovery led to a bout of stereotactic radiosurgery. A very strange experience that was exhausting, yet painless. So strange how that can be.

I am lying on a table, with my head wrapped in its custom-made radiation mask. The lasers are waking up, and my brain is about to be zapped.

Now, months after treatment, the effects of radiation are taking hold.

Diabolical pain levels. Shooting pain, stabbing pain, throbbing pain, aching pain, tingling pain. Level upon level.

I adapt to this new normal, with an arsenal of pain relief – picking which is most needed, to keep working and stay grounded.

Most recently, I have reduced sensation in my face, mouth, tongue, lips. This is a weird experience and affects my voice. All of this, from the swollen tumour pushing onto other cranial nerves.

I am on steroids to help reduce the inflammation and regain feeling. Man, life on the juice is a wild ride.

I sweat more. Sleep less.

My body on overdrive. I feel the throttle going all day and night.

I try to take it as early in the morning as I can. Stave off some insomnia.

Alas. It finds me.

1am. 3am. 4am.

Wide awake, but in an unnatural way.

I can only take comfort in knowing that my body is reacting, therefore the tumour should be as well. Shrinkage.

My own reasoning.

A reduction in pain and the return of sensation.

Perhaps. Time shall tell.